An Open Letter

To my Friends, Family, and Loved Ones,

Hi there. It’s been a while since we’ve talked. Not chatted, we do that a lot, but really talked. How are you? How are you really doing? Tell me all the ups and downs, the hopes and worries, the dreams and aspirations. Fill me in on life. I’m sorry I haven’t been there to experience it all with you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t go to that thing with you, or support you at that event, or go out with you, or even spend time doing nothing together. It breaks my heart every time I have to say ‘no’. And I’m afraid that with every ‘no’ I get closer to being uninvited. They say, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ but they also say, ‘out of sight, out of mind’. I am so frightened of the latter.

I feel like all we ever talk about these days is my health, my illness, and me. Please know that this isn’t because I don’t want to hear about you, or talk about other parts of life, it’s just that right now, this is my life. It’s not all encompassing, at least not every day. But it’s always there. I know that it’s changed our relationship, and made some things more difficult, but I will do everything I can to keep us together.

It’s a weird balancing act, isn’t it? Some days I’m running around with you, finishing projects, going to the movies, and laughing like I used to. Then other days I’m stuck in bed with a pharmacy on my bedside table and so much guilt floating in my mind.

I’m writing you this letter because I want you to know how much you mean to me. You are such an important part of my life; I cannot imagine it without you. Sometimes I forget to say it, but I love you with all my heart. I might not ‘get better soon’ but I am working hard to feel better soon. Thank you for being patient with me. Believe me, I’m just as frustrated as you are.

You are so important, and so are your struggles in life. I want to hear all about it and I want to support you in every way I can. Please never feel like you can’t confide in me because I might have it worse. Everyone’s lot in life is different. I’m just glad that our lives intertwine.

You mean the world to me. When I am sad, stuck in bed, I think of you and all the fun we have and tell myself that this too shall pass. And it will. Because if not, when will we have fun again?

Thank you for being here for me. I know that sometimes you don’t know what to say or do, but just knowing you care is enough.

I love you. I love you so much. The next time I have a good day, you know I will be right there by your side, enjoying it with you. Until then, you’re welcome to join me while I stay horizontal. I have enough blankets for the best fort imaginable. Though excuse me if I leave the construction up to you 😊