Blessed and Stressed

It is no surprise that the beginning of 2025 was a bit of a stressful time for me.

There are the universal stressors such as money, the current political climate, and the future of the environment, but I also had personal stressors- namely the multiple blood clots in my lungs that nearly killed me, did kill part of my left lung, and put me in the hospital twice in two months.

Then towards the end of March, I became too relaxed. I must have thought that two near death experiences in the course of two months was enough and I was in the clear, because surely nothing else could happen right?

While driving back from a wonderful lunch meetup with a former professor, I was sideswiped by an 18-wheeler, causing me to spin out over four lanes of traffic before finally hitting another car and coming to a stop in the far left lane.

Near death experience number three.

My first thought after the accident (after turning off my audiobook because the EMT’s did not need to hear the smut I was listening to) was that I was cursed.

I was able to get out of the car with minimal assistance from the firefighters, who were a few cars behind me so were able to respond immediately, and made my way to the shoulder to be checked out. I was brought to the hospital because my neck was hurting and being on blood thinners means any small injury could become something much worse, so off I went in the ambulance wearing a very fashionable neck brace.

As I sat in the waiting room, I called the people I needed to speak to (my mom and my lawyer) then sent the following message to my priest.

Me: Does the Episcopal Church believe in curses? Like we can get rid of them kind of thing? (Asking as a parishioner not Director)

Reverend: Not generally. We believe more in blessings, but also in the power of prayer.

Shortly after this exchange, my mother arrived and I gave the account of the accident. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, I was able to think clearly about what I had experienced. There was a moment when I was perpendicular to the semi-truck, my body in the direct path of the 18-wheeler as I spun out. I remember thinking, “shit, this isn’t how I wanted to die”. And then something strange happened.

When you begin to spin out, your normal reaction is to hit the brake to stop the movement. But I hit the gas. I didn’t mean to. I meant to hit the break. But I hit the gas and continued to spin out, past the semi-truck and into another vehicle before stopping in the far left lane.

As I explained this to my mom, she said, “I don’t think it was an accident that you hit the gas instead of the brake.”

I went through the accident again in my head and realized that because I hit the gas instead of the brake, I lived. If I had hit the brake, I would have stopped right in front of the semi-truck, which was still moving forward. It would have crashed into me again and I don’t know about you, but in a fight between a person and an 18-wheeler going 50 miles an hour, I’m betting on the truck.

Because I hit the gas instead of the break, I survived with only a sprained neck. Turns out, I should have bet on the person.

These past few weeks of recovery have not been easy. Between extra doctor’s appointments for neck treatment, pain and stiffness due to whiplash, and the used car shopping, I’ve been busy. At first I really was convinced I was cursed, doomed to this chaos until I finally died. But then I realized, while I’ve had three near death experiences in three months, the emphasis should be on near death.

Let’s review:

Prescribed vascular constrictors instead of an ordered CT to find the blood clots in my lungs- had I taken the medicine, I would have died.

Failed the first blood thinners and had the blood clots grow to stop circulation into part of my left lung causing tissue death- had I ignored the pain, I would have died.

Side swiped by an 18-wheeler on the highway, spinning out across four lanes of traffic and into another car- had I hit the brake instead of the gas, I would have died.

These three events could have killed me, but they didn’t. And that’s why I no longer think I’m cursed. These events did happen, and yes it’s extremely stressful, but they didn’t end my life. I’m sitting here writing about it today because I survived.

Whether you believe in guardian angels, family members from beyond helping with our lives, or simply being blessed, one of those things is the reason I’m still here.

So yes, I’m a bit stressed. I have a new-to-me car to buy, a personal injury claim to file, my wife to murder and Guilder to blame for it, but I’m still alive.

And that is reason enough to keep going.